NOOOOOO! Knew this day would come.

I knew it would happen. Nobody's perfect.

It all started with a very innocent trip to Subway yesterday to get a healthy lunch. The smell of the chocolate chip cookies got to me. I purchased 5 on a whim....1 for each of my family members, including me. I figured 1 sweet treat after 19 days of no sweet treats would not hurt me too bad.

WRONG.

The sugary goodness of that one f%*&#(* cookie made me crave even more junk. So, I ate a pop tart. Then a bowl of cookie crisp. Then I decided I was hungry for cheese dip. So, I walked next door to Dollar General (btw...no foodie should ever live walking distance from a dollar store- it is horrible) and racked up on $30 worth of junk food.

I ate some oreos and other junk before bed and just felt horrible physically. My stomach hurt, I felt lazy again, and very sad that food is like my crack. It is a tragedy..and unfair that I have to have this crazy love/hate relationship with food. Not only did I eat a bunch of junk, but my whole family did. So it took the little ones forever to go to sleep because they were all hyped up....and my oldest daughter was concerned about the calories, and could not understand why I was doing this to myself. I wish I had an answer for her.

So today I wake up and fully intend on getting back on track, but the junk was all still here. So I eat more of it. And we ordered pizza for lunch. WHAT THE HELL??

I walked passed my closet door where I have my weekly weigh ins documented on a piece of paper. I have lost 15 lbs in 2 weeks, and now I am jacking myself all up before weigh in #3???? Who does this?????

Any ideas on what I should do? How can I get back right again. I don't want these past 24 hours to define me. But the cravings are back....along with self doubt...depression...ickiness....I just want to get back right.

Tear.

Much Needed Pampering

Today I took my birthday cash and actually spent it on me! Most of the time I buy my kids stuff, pay a bill, or buy groceries with it...but not this time!

My little sis Holly is 1 week from graduating beauty school so I went to see her for a haircut and a pedicure. My hair had gotten so long from being neglected so I got a lot of length cut off. The pedicure was relaxing and so worth it! My toes actually look cute instead of their normal crypt keeper appearance. haha

As a mom, I tend to neglect myself and always give and give to my kids, and feel guilty about taking care of myself. Not anymore people! It is hard to love myself when I treat myself so poorly!!! Taking care of my basic needs is the least I can do for myself. Have you slacked on your grooming since your weight gain, or from being a mom?

It is the little things that I have made a vow to do for myself from now on...and here they are:

1. Keep hand and body lotion my bed to help me remember to moisturize my hands....my hands are starting to look ashy and old and I always forget about them!

2. Make and keep regular hair appointments

3. Shave my legs regularly...even in the winter time. Brian will love this one.

4. Remember all vitamins and supplements

5. Most Important: Give myself a BREAK. Love myself...flaws and all. Accept me for me... and Smile! :)

Here is a look at the party in my tummy today:

B:
1/2 grapefruit
1/2 whole wheat tortilla
2 turkey sausage links
1 slice of reduced fat colby cheese
Water

Monster energy drink (low carb)--I know, not so healthy...but I was curious if it would give me a boost. I was not impressed personally.

S: Fruit & Nut Bar and water

L:
1 whole wheat wrap with fresh baby spinach, cheese, turkey. This tasted amazing!
water

D:
4 oz baked tomato & basil chicken
baked spicy asparagus with drizzle of olive oil
spinach salad with green olives, green onions, cheese, croutons, and ranch
tea

Water, Water , Water late in the day...and chewing on key lime pie extra gum--my fave

No exercise tonight--gotta get ready for the 1st day of spring semester. :)

Women Food and God

I am currently reading Women Food and God by Geneen Roth. It is a MUST READ if you "emotional eat"...there are so many eye opening moments in this book and it is a life changer. I have read many books about overeating and this one is different because she actually taps in to the real reasons why we do this to ourselves. She also stresses how losing weight does not guarantee happiness. We all think that losing weight solves our problems, but it never does. We need to fix the reasons why we eat this way and abuse ourselves....

Even if you do not consider yourself a "reader", please read it anyway. It is an easy read and short book. I checked it out from our local library, so please buy it or check it out!!

The author is a bit "cooky" and "out there" at times in my opinion, but keep reading, it is worth it.

Today is day 16 and I am still going very strong....maybe even stronger. Here is what I have eaten today.

Breakfast:
(My husband cooked this, so it was even better than if I would have done it)
2 poached egg whites
2 slices whole grain toast w/ reduced fat jelly
2 turkey sausage links
1/2 grapefruit
2 bottles of water

Lunch:
homemade chicken quesadilla with chicken, cheese, green onions
scoop of fat free refried beans
whole grain tortilla chips w/ salsa

Dinner: (about to eat within the hour)
pork tenderloin that we bbq seasoned
squash, zucchini, and onions sauteed in olive oil
white rice 1/2 cup

Snacks today:
ww ice cream bar- 1 point
nature valley bar

And finally.....

Meet my sisters Holly and Rachel! They are so supportive to me on this journey and I wanted to send a special piece of love for both of them on my blog.

This is me and my baby sister Holly...see my face is in there somewhere...lol

This is me and my "big" sister Rachel

Another awesome thing I have noticed is that my 3 girls are eating better too. My 10 year old KK has a new love---grapefruit with her breakfast! And my 4 year old Audra has not complained 1 time that I have swapped her little debbie cakes for yogurt and vanilla wafers. The baby has been drinking more water and less capri suns....so small changes for the better for the entire family. Brian has really embraced his work outs as of late. He has lost 5 lbs so far, but week 3 will be a huge week for him because he has really pushed himself at home in our little mini gym. (Pics soon to come of our gym....I will take you on a personal tour)

Weigh In Day: WEEK TWO

I am so excited and shocked! I LOST 6 LBS THIS WEEK!

Last night I wore jeans that have not fit me since the beginning of 2008. I tried them on to see how long it would be before they fit...and they slid right on and zipped right up. I did a happy dance, then called Brian, my mom, and sisters to tell them the good news.

Last night was also my nephew Anthony's surprise birthday party....so you know what challenge I had to face. Birthday cake and ice cream. I went to the party telling myself in my head that it is my choice if I want to eat that stuff. I left it up to me, instead of automatically saying that I CAN'T have it.

Once I got there it was not hard at all to simply say no. For about 5 minutes while everyone was eating I just roamed around played with the kids, and a few times I looked in the mirror to look at my accomplishments...AKA looking at my butt in those jeans--- LOL!

Eating that cake and ice cream would have not "messed up" my diet....but it would have made me crave more and then I possibly would have went overboard with a second piece, or a binge at home that night.

The cake that did not break my stride....lol. It was also hard to say no to the Blue Bell individual cups of ice cream, but I did it...and I am still alive. :)

On a more depressing note, my 20 month old was sick last night from about 8pm-1 am. So, I was tempted to eat some bad things because I was stressed, but I just took care of her and drank a diet coke zero. Today I will try to post more menus and my exercise, because what I am doing is working and I want to help others be successful too!!!!

Another Kick Ass Day!

I am really enjoying the changes I have put into play. This is awesome. I feel great in my head these days. And physically my body is able to do more and more than I have been giving it credit for. I used to be a cheerleader. My legs used to be able to successfully pull off a pretty nice toe touch...for a girl with a big booty of course...LOL

My mom mentioned to me the other day how cool it would be if I could do a toe touch again....not gonna happen mom. Even if I could, I just can't go there. GO COMETS~!

Here is my day so far...it is my 33rd birthday and I spent the morning with my beautiful sister Rachel. First, we went to UALR to get my books, shopping, then out to eat at Subway.

1/13/2011 So far:

1 turkey sausage patty (my youngest hijacked my 2nd patty)
1/2 grapefruit (my oldest daughter hijacked the other half)
1 cup skim milk


1 footlong veggie sub with spicy mustard
every veggie they had, even jalapenos and cucumbers
on 9 grain whole wheat...this was a good sandwich yall!
iced unsweet tea with the pink packets


grande skinny caramel coffee- 140 cals
Go Starbucks! This was so good!

Dinner tonight will be what they call the "Diet Dinner" at our local chinese restaurant Taste of D-Lite. It consists of steamed veggies, chicken, brown rice with a fat free garlic sauce. Very low calories, but fulling and very good.
Plus... I am goning to get a hot n sour soup.

Maybe an apple for snack after my work out...

HOPE ALL OF MY BLOG FRIENDS ARE ROCKIN' IT OUT TOO!!!! HOW ARE YOU ALL DOING??

Playing Around

I am new to this blog stuff, so I am taking the opportunity before I start back to school to play around on here and try to figure stuff out! I do not even really know how to design my page or anything. I am about to attempt to add some random photos to see if I can figure this stuff out. Any tips or tricks would be much appreciated.

As for losing weight, eating healthy, and exercise, I am still doing fabulous! I feel awesome and am so excited about weigh in 2 on Saturday. I also forgot to mention that my husband Brian lost 5 lbs last week as well! Go B!

This is my family! My husband Brian, my 3 daughters Kaitlin, Audra, Evie...and me. This was taken at my momma's house Christmas Eve 2010. As you can see, it is a typical family photo with the 2 little ones not wanting to cooperate. :)

Diet Mt. Dew is the DEVIL!

Since the birth of my 3rd baby girl Evie, I have had zero energy. Some days it seemed impossible to do the bare minimum to care for her, our other 2 girls, our home, and my school assignments. Most days seemed like there was a dark energy zapping cloud following me around 24/7. I chalked it up to late nights with the baby, my weight, and an overload of responsibilities.

I realize now that the main energy zapper were the things I was putting into my body... and the lack of movement. I used to drink SO Many Diet Mt. Dew's in one day....too many to even admit to. Some days I would drink nothing but DMD's and other diet sodas. I would do very little exercise if any.

It is wild how less than 2 weeks of eating/drinking the things my body needs how much better I feel. And how much more energy I have. It is awesome! I am tackling projects in our home that have been on our to do list for 1-2 years.

I love Dt. Mt. Dew, but it is not worth it for me to drink more than 1 a day, because I know it will do nothing but slow me down, and I just don't have time for that.

Here is what I ate yesterday 1-10-11:

1 pancake w/ fresh strawberries and fat free whipped cream
2 slices turkey bacon
1 small glass of oj and 8 oz water

1 slice of leftover turkey loaf
1 slice wheat bread
(made a sandwich with it)
side salad with romaine, croutons, and italian dressing
1 water w/ ff cranberry/apple mix

kielbasa with bell peppers and onions (stir fry)
1 cup rice
More water
Devil Dew :)

1 fiber plus bar
apple

P.S. My belly feels/looks a little flatter! :)

So....I lost 9 lbs this week!!!!!

No Gimmicks. No Pills. I was never hungry, and rarely felt sorry for myself about what I could not eat. I ate really tasty food and have felt better this week than I have all of the 52 weeks of 2010. I just followed the old school weight watcher points plan, and exercised 5 out of 8 days. The night before weigh in I did my version of a "last chance work out."

It included:

15 minutes on the treadmill

10 minutes on the elliptical

50 crunches

10 squats

50 steps on the step

Random dancing and jogging in place

20 medicine ball pass thingys that I did with Brian

Boxing that I did with my husband. He kept having me punch mitts in all different ways. It was no joke, so when he saw I was hurting, he would do the countdown to make me do 10 more....

It was such a nice rush of good feelings all over my body. It was a full hour work out. I drank 3 bottles of water during, so that helped me get in my water requirements.

It was a very nice surprise to see that WEEK ONE..I was down 9 lbs already! What a great motivator going into the 2nd week.

Do you do any last chance work outs before weigh in day? If not, give it a try. I think it made a difference for me!!!

TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES: Weigh In Day

Our scale is broken. It tells us these wild and crazy weights that are impossible. I weighed 10 times and it gave me several different, but very funny weights. A few times I was in the 100's.

So, official weigh in is tomorrow after I brave a Wal-Mart trip today. I hate Wal-Mart. We are expected to have a few inches of snow tomorrow, and here in Arkansas that means most people panic and take all of the bread and milk.

This sucks, but it is not slowing me down. I can wait 1 day to officially weigh in.

Have a great weekend & keep it up, because it is worth it, and so are you!

Today's Menu: Day 7

I am feeling very good about my choices today. It was tough at times to actually STOP eating certain foods that tasted so good, but I did it.

Today I have eaten:

1 english muffin
1 poached egg white
1 turkey sausage patty
1/2 slice of cheese
My one and ONLY diet soda :)

This was a home style mcmuffin, and it was delicious. It only took 15 minutes to make my whole family one since I used the already cooked sausage.

Lunch was leftover 3 point per cup TACO SOUP. I had 2.5 cups.

Lots of water through out the day...

Dinner was baked tilapia with Louisiana hot sauce, baked sweet potato, and green beans.

Snack was vanilla yogurt with banana nut crunch on top

I am still in shock that I only had 1 diet coke all day. I know this will help me to chill out on drinking so many...since the more you drink it, the more you crave it.

WEIGH IN #1 is tomorrow! Brian and I are both excited to see our week 1 results......

36:53

As I climbed onto my treadmill in my 10 year old black faded "work out" pants, I look at myself in the mirror. I have on an orange tank top with a few holes in it, my pants you already have heard about, and some ill fitting New Balance shoes. My hair is up in the granny bun, because seriously, when is it ever NOT in a bun. Yesterday's mascara is under my eyes, so I wipe the blackness off, and hit the GO button on my treadmill.

I have no plan, just getting on this thing is a huge success for me. I click it on level 3 to get a decent walk going. Several minutes pass, and I am bored. I scroll through my ipod to try to find an inspiring song. Nothing. I kick up the incline to a 1.5 and begin walking at a level 3.4. This is getting me out of my comfort zone, but for some reason I keep going. With each step I gain confidence and actually start acting a little sassy on the TM. I got my fists going, doing a few little silly dances, and I begin to laugh at myself. This is actually not that bad. This is fun!

Then, Britney speaks to me through the music. Circus comes on. She sings of adrenaline shooting through her veins. I am inspired. I found my song. I kick the incline up a bit, and the level up and I begin to run. I cannot feel my legs after a few minutes. But I keep going. I walked/jogged/ran for a grand total of 36:53 minutes!

YOU WILL NEVER REGRET EXERCISE.  YOU WILL ONLY REGRET AVOIDING IT! :)

I am still going strong and today is day #6. My first weigh in will be Saturday morning the 8th.

Best Salad on the Planet, Yall!

Today is day four, and it has been a good one. I have been eating a lot of fresh fruit for snacks. Gala apples are really yummy right now, and so are fresh cherries. This morning for breakfast I had a bowl of cereal and turkey sausage links. Lunch was a chicken sandwich on bread that I made at home with pickles and lettuce. I even had portion of baked french fries. Then for "dessert" I had a banana. Tonight for dinner I had....the BEST SALAD ON THE PLANET!

Drumroll Please * * * * * * * * *

Chick-Fil-A's Southwest Chargrill  Salad

Only 240 calories and SO SO GOOD!

If you have not tried this salad, I highly recommend it. For a fast food salad, it is above all others. The lettuce is always crisp, and fresh. It has a spicy chargrilled chicken breast sliced on top of shredded cheese, shredded carrots and cabbage, plum tomatoes, and my personal fave...this corn/black bean mixture that has this secret sauce thing going on. This salad can easily be eaten with no dressing, it is that good. But I like to eat the Fat Free Honey Mustard packets that they offer for another 60-120 calories extra depending on how much of it you eat. They also offer sesame seeds and tortilla strips that can be added too. So enough of my commerical, but I felt the need to share a good healthy food that is one of my faves.

Hope you are doing great too! You are worth it! :)

The 4 year Anniversary.

It has been exactly 4 years ago today that I crashed and rolled Brian's truck into a ditch. A patch of black ice swirled me across the opposite side of the Sheridan Highway. Luckily, no one hit me, I just hit the ditch and the truck came to rest on its right side. It took the firefighters 45 minutes to get me out of the truck. They had to cut the seatbelt to free me, and I remember falling into the arms of a man who weighed no more than 135 lbs. I can remember apologizing over and over to him because I felt so guilty for squishing him.

The reason I bring up this story is because that even though I thought just an hour before that I was going to die in a car wreck, I was still consumed with worry about my weight. I am sick of worrying about it, so now is the time to fix it and move on with my life.

The choices that we make every day about our health involve not only the food we eat, but the food that we say no to as well. For an overweight person, the urges to eat can evolve into hundreds of decisions a day. Deciding portions, what to eat, and when to stop, etc... it all gets a bit much sometimes. But it can be done and I am doing it.

Once I get my camera fixed, or buy a new one I will take photos of my progress, meals, and anything that I think will be helpful to me and you. I know I am not alone with this struggle and you can do it too!

It is early, but so far I have eaten:

1 slice toast
1 turkey sauage patty
1 hashbrown
1 8 oz water

Lunch will be grilled chicken and mixed veggie bowl. I buy the already grilled chicken patties, pop them into the microwave to heat. Then cook 1 bag of mixed steamable veggies (i like the one with asparagus, corn, carrots) Once they are all heated, I cut the chicken into bite size pieces, add salt, pepper, and butter spray to the veggies and mix all together. It is pretty tasty and helps me get in veggie requirements for the day.

I am planning in making homemade pizzas for dinner since I already have the ingredients in the pantry. I will make an all veggie one for me and B to eat with mushrooms, bell peppers, and onions and just count my points for 2 slices.

Still feeling positive and upbeat about this! I just hope it stays this easy. I have not let myself get hungry, and I have not overindulged...so it is nice to have control again to keep things in balance.

The Plan

I am following the Weight Watchers plan. I have had success getting the weight off this way, just no luck keeping it off. I do not blame that on the program though, so I will be keeping a food journal and tracking my points values each day. I have seen new commericals about the "New" plan for WW, and I may look into that at a later date. Right now, I do not want to spend any money when I have all of the materials I need here at home.

The WW plan will cover the food portion and our mini home gym will give me a great start in getting my fitness in full swing. I think that music is a very important part of keeping up the intensity while working out, so I will be looking for music in my itunes library that will help out.

New Year New Me

For the past 13 years I have struggled with obesity. 2011 is my year to gain control. Control over my body, my mind, and my health. I love my 3 girls too much to let them develop my bad habits that will consume them as they have me. I will be the role model for them that they deserve.

My weight issues have caused me nothing but grief in the following ways: (ok, Intervention)

1. I hurt. My excessive weight causes my body to feel lazy, lethargic, and I just never seem to feel good anymore physically. Here lately my feet feel like they constantly have stone bruises. Ouch.

2. I am rarely happy. Depression has been a permanent fixture in my life for several years now. I am so ready to truly feel happy again.

3. I do not recognize myself in the mirror anymore. Who is this old chubby chic staring back at me? And who is this in the photo being tagged on facebook.....ugggg...DELETE!

4. I do not take part in activities that I used to enjoy. I miss dancing, roller skating, running, climbing Pinnacle, swimming, dressing up for special events....etc.....

5. Guilt. I know that my bad food choices and lack of exercise is not being a good role model for my 3 daughters. I do NOT want them to suffer from this because of me.

So here I am January 1, 2011, and I am setting a huge goal for myself to lose 100 lbs in 1 year. I am off to a great start and am so excited about the journey to lose this weight forever. I hope that with this blog I can not only help myself but others. I plan on taking many pictures and sharing my meals, struggles, accomplishments, and weight losses each week with you.

Here is a glimpse of my food choices today:

Breakfast was:

2 turkey sausage patties
1 poached egg white
2 slices toast
1/4 cup mandarin oranges
Water

Lunch:

Grilled Chicken Breast
1 Claussen Pickle
Water w/ Cranberry Apple Drink Packet ( sooo good )

Snack:

Fiber One Chewy Bar
Water

Dinner:

1 small slice ham
1/4 cup mashed potatoes
1 cup black eyed peas
Water
Diet Mt. Dew- ( my only 1 today...this is a success for me!)

And....no chocolate or sweets, another big deal.

Now, I am anxious for Day 2! :)