Inspired

I believe in this community. More than I believe in myself.  : (

So, that is why I am here. Once again. I am a bit ashamed that I have been MIA for so long, but I have been making bad choices with my life & that is not very "blog postable". Maybe one day here and there, but not day after day of hearing about my screw ups. That is no fun at all.

After keeping up with Pam's blog @ Plump Nonfiction, I found a few more very inspiring people that have me believing that maybe....just maybe I can do this too. I love a small loss...oh_mg! I wish I knew how to add your links, but I am kind of an airhead with this stuff~!

I have been back on a healthy eating plan for 6 days strong, and I am very proud to be here.

Here are a few updated pics of me. They are not my faves, but this is what I look like right now. My profile pic on my blog is me like 40 lbs ago back in 2008 and I love it because I had such a nice time on our trip, and it brings back many wonderful memories. So, I do not want to change that photo, but I do want to be honest about who I am right now....in this moment. It is very easy for me to hide behind a cute pic or two, and I am tired of living that way. This picture was taken at the zoo a week ago:

I am the one on the left, and the girl on the right is my sister Rachel.

Here is me and my husband Brian. Not a fan of my arms, or the big face, but hey, this is me, and I have got to learn to love me regardless.

On a much happier, and lighter note, here are my babies on our Brooks Family staycation during spring break:

We had a blast rediscovering our city- Little Rock!

And a quick bonus pic. I recently got a new camera, and I love it! I have no clue how to actually use it, I just point and click, but sometimes I get surprised by these great pictures.

It feels great to be back- I hope everyone is having a great week! :)

Did you even know I was gone????

School started on January 18th for me. January 19th is when I gave up on the whole 100 in 11 thing. I kind of feel like I can only handle 1 tough thing at a time. School does not come easy for me...then you add in raising 3 girls and all of the other responsibilities that we all face. I am overwhelmed. Food comforts me during those brief moments when I feel like I cannot do it all.

I have not given up completely though, or I would not be here typing this now.

I signed up for weight watchers online and will start fresh tomorrow. Luckily, I have only gained 1 lb during my "vacay" from my dream of losing 100 lbs.

Vacay is ova...and I am back. I will be posting before pics(cringe)...finally reveal my weight(double cringe)...and get real with myself. Work hard, stop making excuses, and just get this party started.

NOOOOOO! Knew this day would come.

I knew it would happen. Nobody's perfect.

It all started with a very innocent trip to Subway yesterday to get a healthy lunch. The smell of the chocolate chip cookies got to me. I purchased 5 on a whim....1 for each of my family members, including me. I figured 1 sweet treat after 19 days of no sweet treats would not hurt me too bad.

WRONG.

The sugary goodness of that one f%*&#(* cookie made me crave even more junk. So, I ate a pop tart. Then a bowl of cookie crisp. Then I decided I was hungry for cheese dip. So, I walked next door to Dollar General (btw...no foodie should ever live walking distance from a dollar store- it is horrible) and racked up on $30 worth of junk food.

I ate some oreos and other junk before bed and just felt horrible physically. My stomach hurt, I felt lazy again, and very sad that food is like my crack. It is a tragedy..and unfair that I have to have this crazy love/hate relationship with food. Not only did I eat a bunch of junk, but my whole family did. So it took the little ones forever to go to sleep because they were all hyped up....and my oldest daughter was concerned about the calories, and could not understand why I was doing this to myself. I wish I had an answer for her.

So today I wake up and fully intend on getting back on track, but the junk was all still here. So I eat more of it. And we ordered pizza for lunch. WHAT THE HELL??

I walked passed my closet door where I have my weekly weigh ins documented on a piece of paper. I have lost 15 lbs in 2 weeks, and now I am jacking myself all up before weigh in #3???? Who does this?????

Any ideas on what I should do? How can I get back right again. I don't want these past 24 hours to define me. But the cravings are back....along with self doubt...depression...ickiness....I just want to get back right.

Tear.

Much Needed Pampering

Today I took my birthday cash and actually spent it on me! Most of the time I buy my kids stuff, pay a bill, or buy groceries with it...but not this time!

My little sis Holly is 1 week from graduating beauty school so I went to see her for a haircut and a pedicure. My hair had gotten so long from being neglected so I got a lot of length cut off. The pedicure was relaxing and so worth it! My toes actually look cute instead of their normal crypt keeper appearance. haha

As a mom, I tend to neglect myself and always give and give to my kids, and feel guilty about taking care of myself. Not anymore people! It is hard to love myself when I treat myself so poorly!!! Taking care of my basic needs is the least I can do for myself. Have you slacked on your grooming since your weight gain, or from being a mom?

It is the little things that I have made a vow to do for myself from now on...and here they are:

1. Keep hand and body lotion my bed to help me remember to moisturize my hands....my hands are starting to look ashy and old and I always forget about them!

2. Make and keep regular hair appointments

3. Shave my legs regularly...even in the winter time. Brian will love this one.

4. Remember all vitamins and supplements

5. Most Important: Give myself a BREAK. Love myself...flaws and all. Accept me for me... and Smile! :)

Here is a look at the party in my tummy today:

B:
1/2 grapefruit
1/2 whole wheat tortilla
2 turkey sausage links
1 slice of reduced fat colby cheese
Water

Monster energy drink (low carb)--I know, not so healthy...but I was curious if it would give me a boost. I was not impressed personally.

S: Fruit & Nut Bar and water

L:
1 whole wheat wrap with fresh baby spinach, cheese, turkey. This tasted amazing!
water

D:
4 oz baked tomato & basil chicken
baked spicy asparagus with drizzle of olive oil
spinach salad with green olives, green onions, cheese, croutons, and ranch
tea

Water, Water , Water late in the day...and chewing on key lime pie extra gum--my fave

No exercise tonight--gotta get ready for the 1st day of spring semester. :)

Women Food and God

I am currently reading Women Food and God by Geneen Roth. It is a MUST READ if you "emotional eat"...there are so many eye opening moments in this book and it is a life changer. I have read many books about overeating and this one is different because she actually taps in to the real reasons why we do this to ourselves. She also stresses how losing weight does not guarantee happiness. We all think that losing weight solves our problems, but it never does. We need to fix the reasons why we eat this way and abuse ourselves....

Even if you do not consider yourself a "reader", please read it anyway. It is an easy read and short book. I checked it out from our local library, so please buy it or check it out!!

The author is a bit "cooky" and "out there" at times in my opinion, but keep reading, it is worth it.

Today is day 16 and I am still going very strong....maybe even stronger. Here is what I have eaten today.

Breakfast:
(My husband cooked this, so it was even better than if I would have done it)
2 poached egg whites
2 slices whole grain toast w/ reduced fat jelly
2 turkey sausage links
1/2 grapefruit
2 bottles of water

Lunch:
homemade chicken quesadilla with chicken, cheese, green onions
scoop of fat free refried beans
whole grain tortilla chips w/ salsa

Dinner: (about to eat within the hour)
pork tenderloin that we bbq seasoned
squash, zucchini, and onions sauteed in olive oil
white rice 1/2 cup

Snacks today:
ww ice cream bar- 1 point
nature valley bar

And finally.....

Meet my sisters Holly and Rachel! They are so supportive to me on this journey and I wanted to send a special piece of love for both of them on my blog.

This is me and my baby sister Holly...see my face is in there somewhere...lol

This is me and my "big" sister Rachel

Another awesome thing I have noticed is that my 3 girls are eating better too. My 10 year old KK has a new love---grapefruit with her breakfast! And my 4 year old Audra has not complained 1 time that I have swapped her little debbie cakes for yogurt and vanilla wafers. The baby has been drinking more water and less capri suns....so small changes for the better for the entire family. Brian has really embraced his work outs as of late. He has lost 5 lbs so far, but week 3 will be a huge week for him because he has really pushed himself at home in our little mini gym. (Pics soon to come of our gym....I will take you on a personal tour)

Weigh In Day: WEEK TWO

I am so excited and shocked! I LOST 6 LBS THIS WEEK!

Last night I wore jeans that have not fit me since the beginning of 2008. I tried them on to see how long it would be before they fit...and they slid right on and zipped right up. I did a happy dance, then called Brian, my mom, and sisters to tell them the good news.

Last night was also my nephew Anthony's surprise birthday party....so you know what challenge I had to face. Birthday cake and ice cream. I went to the party telling myself in my head that it is my choice if I want to eat that stuff. I left it up to me, instead of automatically saying that I CAN'T have it.

Once I got there it was not hard at all to simply say no. For about 5 minutes while everyone was eating I just roamed around played with the kids, and a few times I looked in the mirror to look at my accomplishments...AKA looking at my butt in those jeans--- LOL!

Eating that cake and ice cream would have not "messed up" my diet....but it would have made me crave more and then I possibly would have went overboard with a second piece, or a binge at home that night.

The cake that did not break my stride....lol. It was also hard to say no to the Blue Bell individual cups of ice cream, but I did it...and I am still alive. :)

On a more depressing note, my 20 month old was sick last night from about 8pm-1 am. So, I was tempted to eat some bad things because I was stressed, but I just took care of her and drank a diet coke zero. Today I will try to post more menus and my exercise, because what I am doing is working and I want to help others be successful too!!!!

Another Kick Ass Day!

I am really enjoying the changes I have put into play. This is awesome. I feel great in my head these days. And physically my body is able to do more and more than I have been giving it credit for. I used to be a cheerleader. My legs used to be able to successfully pull off a pretty nice toe touch...for a girl with a big booty of course...LOL

My mom mentioned to me the other day how cool it would be if I could do a toe touch again....not gonna happen mom. Even if I could, I just can't go there. GO COMETS~!

Here is my day so far...it is my 33rd birthday and I spent the morning with my beautiful sister Rachel. First, we went to UALR to get my books, shopping, then out to eat at Subway.

1/13/2011 So far:

1 turkey sausage patty (my youngest hijacked my 2nd patty)
1/2 grapefruit (my oldest daughter hijacked the other half)
1 cup skim milk


1 footlong veggie sub with spicy mustard
every veggie they had, even jalapenos and cucumbers
on 9 grain whole wheat...this was a good sandwich yall!
iced unsweet tea with the pink packets


grande skinny caramel coffee- 140 cals
Go Starbucks! This was so good!

Dinner tonight will be what they call the "Diet Dinner" at our local chinese restaurant Taste of D-Lite. It consists of steamed veggies, chicken, brown rice with a fat free garlic sauce. Very low calories, but fulling and very good.
Plus... I am goning to get a hot n sour soup.

Maybe an apple for snack after my work out...

HOPE ALL OF MY BLOG FRIENDS ARE ROCKIN' IT OUT TOO!!!! HOW ARE YOU ALL DOING??